


Crushing Bones and Cracking Skulls

by BridgetMcKennitt



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Established Relationship, Explosions, F/F, Fusion, Magic, Pirates, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-03
Updated: 2010-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-13 12:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/137184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BridgetMcKennitt/pseuds/BridgetMcKennitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Ring ring</i>. "Sorry we're not here to take your call. Sylvanas is breaking Jaina out of Violet Hold and together they're going to save Azeroth. Please leave a message after the beep. <i>Beep!</i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crushing Bones and Cracking Skulls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spidertroll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spidertroll/gifts).



> I'm in love with your AU WoW prompt and wanted to bring it to life. I tried to make it as plausible as I could within this cracky fusion between WoW and the Telephone music video because you mentioned in your letter that you preferred normalverse. Enjoy!
> 
> Set during current canon of Deathwing's arrival and the world Shattering. Canon knowledge of Lady Gaga's Telephone music video is not necessary.

Jaina lifted her chin in defiance as Varian condemned her. The other leaders of the Alliance were there sitting on a platformed table, high above her. It felt as if they were in the tent at the Argent Tournament Grounds and she was just some beast to be slaughtered by adventurers. Her favorite dress was dirtied and torn, and there were iron handcuffs on her wrists to keep her magic at bay.

"Lady Jaina Proudmoore, you have been hereby sentenced to Violet Hold for treason against the Alliance and conspiracy with the Horde to overthrow our people. How do you plead?"

She lifted her chin higher. "Not guilty. Varian, you _know_ my loyalty is to the Alliance. But if we are to prevail against Deathwing, we must work together with the Hor-"

Varian cut her off with a slash of his hand. "None of your lying words. We've heard enough. Guards, take her away."

Jaina allowed the Stormwind guards to pull her away. With Varian in charge, there was nothing she could do.

***

Lieutenant Sinclari looked her over as she led Jaina towards her cell within Violet Hold. It was just as she remembered, dark and damp. "Only the best for one such as yourself, Lady Proudmoore. You're a strong mage, but even you will not be able to escape from this prison."

Jaina shrugged her shoulders. "My goal is not to escape."

"You'll have to share a cell unfortunately. We've been getting an influx of prisoners lately since the world shattered." Sinclari stopped in front of a pink bubble and pressed her hand against it. The bubble fell and Sinclair gestured for Jaina to enter inside. "Your new cellmate is Uda the Beast. She used to run The Filthy Animal here in Dalaran. That is, until she fed some night elf to her wolf for daring to fly into her establishment. Now she's here to cool off. Isn't that right, Uda?"

Uda grunted and didn't bother looking up at Jaina. Sinclari shoved Jaina inside and reset the bubble. Once Sinclari left, Uda turned towards Jaina.

"What are you in for?"

Jaina chuckled bitterly as she sat on her cot. "I've been falsely accused reason and conspiracy against the Alliance by Stormwind's king."

"It could be worse. Your new Warchief could be a dick."

Jaina laughed as she remembered her earlier meetings with Garrosh. "You're right, except Varian is just as big of a dick as your new Warchief is, so I'm out of luck."

"Too bad. Want some sour goat cheese?" Uda held out the cheese and Jaina reached over to take some.

"Uh, thanks." She took a bite and made a face as the sourness exploded in her mouth. Jaina swallowed the piece of cheese and set aside the rest.

***

"Message for Lady Proudmoore."

Jaina ignored the repeated announcement that had been playing for most of the week as she avoided Uda's advancements. For as much time as she had spent with Thrall and his people, she must have missed the part where accepting and eating someone's sour goat cheese meant you were amiable to being pursued.

When she saw Thrall again, maybe she'd ask him. Then again, maybe not if she had to admit this story to him. Jaina could just picture her friend laughing freely like the old times.

If she had been outside of Violet Hold, she could have easily teleported herself or Uda away, but she wasn't. She leaned away from Uda and gave her a stern look. That did not dissuade her.

"Zug zug."

Jaina snapped out a quick, "Bur," and moved to the other side of her cell. She was usually above such language, but she was in no good mood. And even though Uda didn't understand much Common, she would know that phrase. Any member of the Horde knew what it meant when an Alliance member said it.

"Message for Lady Proudmoore from Lady Sylvanas." This time Lieutenant Sinclari showed up in front of their cell with an exasperated look on her face. "Come with me, Lady Proudmoore. I have an orb set up for your message. Lady Sylvanas insisted and it's above my pay grade to argue with her."

The bubble fell and Jaina followed Sinclari to where the communication orb had been set up. Once Sinclari left, Sylvanas' face appeared, as grumpy as ever.

"Don't you ever answer my messages?"

"Hello, Sylvanas. You do realize this will only strengthen Varian's perception that I'm a traitor, right?"

"Varian is a fool. Your loyalty to the Alliance is disgusting and anyone could see it plain on your face. Haven't we argued enough times about it?"

Jaina nodded, agreeing. "We have."

"Leave your imprisonment to me. We have plans and I refuse to let _him_ get in the way. We survived Icecrown Citadel and facing down the Lich King. I survived the Battle of Undercity. You can survive this."

The orb darkened and Jaina took a step back. They did have plans and they couldn't afford the time wasted with her in Violet Hold.

A few hours later, Sinclari was escorting her to the front door.

"You're free to go, Lady Proudmoore. I don't know who bailed you out, but you're out."

Jaina wiggled her fingers at Sinclari in goodbye and hopped in the X-53 Touring Rocket before it flew off. Sylvanas glanced back at her before looking ahead to navigate through Crystalsong Forest. "Jaina, Jaina. You've been a very bad lady."

"I can't control what delusions Varian possesses. How did you manage to spring me out of Violet Hold, by the way? I thought only the faction leaders could do it, and Garrosh has no love for my kind."

Sylvanas chuckled. "You're forgetting who my sister is. I called in a favor from her and her husband. No one in Dalaran will turn those two down when they ask of something. Now, before we go any further, I have to ask. Are you ready? There's no turning back once we do this. You've never been much of a killer."

"It's for the good of Azeroth. I can't stand by idly doing nothing when I could do something."

Sylvanas turned around and held out her hand. Jaina took it without hesitation and they clasped each other tightly.

***

Finding Duke Falrevere wouldn't be easy, not even for Jaina with her magic or Sylvanas with her scouting. Plunder Isle, the home of both the Duke and his Bloodsail Buccaneers, was hidden through magical means and no one but a Buccaneer knew the exact location of the island.

Which was why Sylvanas found herself a Buccaneer.

Jaina stood near the back of the small room as she watched Sylvanas interrogate. Sylvanas had the Buccaneer tied to a pillar and she loomed over him with a dagger clutched in her hand. "Tell us what we need to know, mortal, and I won't have to slit your throat."

"Never! I'll never give into the likes of you." He spat and Jaina winced as the glob of spit ran down Sylvanas' cheek.

Sylvanas lifted a hand to wipe it away and, in one smooth motion, backhanded the Buccaneer. "That was for your insolence. Do that again and I'll subject you to my poison collection. We'll see how well you sing then. Where is the Duke? Where can we find Plunder Isle?"

He paled at Sylvanas' threat and began singing what he knew. The only problem was, there was no way to get to Plunder Isle without being a Buccaneer themselves. Once they had what they needed, Jaina cast a teleportation spell and sent him to the far reaches of Outland.

"It's confirmed." Jaina shook her head in disgust. "I already know he's a vile pirate, but forming an alliance with enemies who wish to bring about the end of the world? Despicable."

"He won't be part of this world for long, I can assure you of that." Sylvanas sheathed her dagger in her hip holster.

"We have one more person we need to speak to before we can pull off this plan. I'll transport us to Booty Bay." Jaina began her cast and light engulfed them both.

Baron Revilgaz was the leader of Booty Bay and knew the dirt and business on just about anyone who entered his town, including the Bloodsail Buccaneers. Jaina walked straight towards the Baron with Sylvanas right behind her.

The Baron noticed them immediately and he straightened his suit. "Well met, travelers. What do I owe this rare pleasure of meeting the two most powerful women of the Horde and Alliance?"

"I've come to ask you for information, Baron Revilgaz. It is of the utmost importance."

"It would have to be, if Lady Proudmoore and Lady Sylvanas are working together." The Baron leaned forward and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Of course, it'll cost you a pretty copper, even for ladies such as yourselves. I'd be willing to offer a discount though."

Jaina shook her head. "We don't have time for such games. Tell us what we need to know now."

"Is that a threat? I have hundreds of guards hiding in the shadows waiting to defend me and there's only the two of you."

"You say that as if neither of us alone could wipe out Booty Bay without blinking an eye. Trust me when I say the information we need would benefit yourself in the long run. Give us that information and we will leave peacefully. No threat."

"What exactly do you want?"

"If it's anyone who would know this, it's you. When is Duke Falrevere leaving from his Isle to the Twilight Highlands?" Jaina glanced back at Sylvanas. "We have something to ask of him."

The Baron gulped. "He leaves tomorrow on his ship the _Devil Shark_. They'll be passing by Booty Bay before sailing north."

Jaina thanked him and just as she turned to leave, she said, "Unfortunately, I cannot allow you or your men to warn the Duke."

The Baron flailed his arms and reached for something inside his pocket. "If it's a fight-"

"No fight. Just a bit of magic." With that, Jaina cast a memory wiping spell and let the ball of light explode into tiny sparkles.

***

It wasn't hard to find the _Devil Shark_ once they knew where to look. Jaina cloaked them in invisibility while Sylvanas sped them across the water.

"I'll take out the pirates. You find the Duke and keep him company," Sylvanas whispered as they landed on the stern of the _Devil Shark_. "The Duke will be heavily guarded by both guards and magic."

"Not a problem. There's no magic the Duke could possess that would be greater than my own." Before Sylvanas could dash away, Jaina yanked her back for a searing kiss. "Swift and silent, nothing more. I want you back in one piece."

"I could say the same for you. I am aware of your dislike of pirates." Sylvanas snagged another kiss before dashing away.

Jaina smiled fondly in the direction Sylvanas went before casting a direction spell. The Duke was still heavily warded so she couldn't pinpoint his exact location, _but_ she could follow where the wards were the heaviest and track him that way.

The wards were heaviest towards the front of the ship in the lower decks. If she hadn't been using magic to track the Duke, she would have never imagined there was a room there.

Jaina threw up an ice barrier before casting a frostbolt towards the wall. The wall shimmered at the force of the hit and Jaina continued to cast frostbolts at it until it shattered into pieces.

The sight of Duke Falrevere surrounded by his guards infuriated Jaina. She cast a time warp on herself and began casting a teleportation spell large enough to carry away the guards. She didn't know where they'd land - two steps away from Garrosh in Orgrimmar or a mile above some desert terrain - but that wasn't Jaina's concern. Only the preservation of Azeroth.

There was a huge flash of light and Jaina expected only her and the Duke to remain, but when the light faded, everyone was where they were. Before Jaina could express her surprise, the Duke laughed.

"My spies in Booty Bay informed me of your expressed interest in where I was." He gestured around the room. "This room is heavily warded against teleportation spells."

Jaina threw up a ring of frost, freezing all of his guards within a block of ice. "Against teleportation spells, but certainly not the school of frost. I already know of your treachery. What I want to know is, why? Deathwing heralds the end of our world."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Why wouldn't I side myself and my men with the winning side? And now, Lady Proudmoore, since you won't join Deathwing, I'll just have to shuffle you off the mortal coil."

Jaina stood still as the Duke withdrew his sword. Suddenly, he keeled over with the shaft of an arrow sticking out from his back. Sylvanas stepped out from the shadows, Jaina knew she'd been there but hadn't seen her enter, with her longbow in hand.

Jaina closed the distance to Sylvanas and cocked an eyebrow. "What took you so long?"

"I had to clean up a few messes in the kitchen. Don't worry, I'd never leave you for long." She glanced at the dead heap on the ground. "I hear Uldum is nice this time of day. Would you like to go sunbathe by the river? We could have pygmies serve us some South Island Iced Teas."

"That sounds lovely." Jaina paused and Sylvanas caught her hesitation.

"Is something the matter? We saved Azeroth."

"For now," Jaina agreed. "But I'm still branded a traitor to the Alliance. I can never go back home."

"We'll think of something, Jaina. We always do." Sylvanas offered her hand to Jaina and together they walked out of the room.


End file.
